Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Twelve Things You Probably Didn't Know You Could Do With a Fruitcake
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wacky Warning Labels
:-P Wacky Warning Labels :-P
On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
Warning on fireplace log:
Caution -- Risk of Fire.
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
On a hair dryer:
Do not use in shower.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding
Product will be hot after heating.
On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
On some frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: defrost.
On a hotel provided shower cap:
Fits one head.
On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer:
Do not eat toner.
A wheel 13" a wheelbarrow warns:
Not for highway use.
Can of self-defense pepper spray warns:
May irritate eyes.
Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer:
Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.
Silly Putty package warning:
Not for use as earplugs.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Baby stroller warning:
Remove child before folding.
Household iron warns:
Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
A fireplace lighter cautions:
Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.
A hand held massager warns consumers:
Don't use while sleeping or unconscious.
Warning on underarm deodorant:
Do not spray in eyes.
Cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboards warns
Do not drive with sun shield in place
Warning on a sharpening stone:
Knives are sharp, use with great care and with adult supervision at all times.
Bottle water label warns:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.
On a box or rat poison
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
On a Domino's Pizza box
Caution: Contents hot!
Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns:
Do not use orally.
An electric cattle prods warns:
For use on animals only.
A can of air freshener warns:
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.
Cheap rubber ball toy warning:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
Caution on a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.
In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.
Stamped on the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
Instructions for an electric thermometer:
Do not use orally after using rectally.
On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.
A TV remote controller warns:
Not dishwasher safe.
Directions: Use like regular soap.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage
On the bottle-top of a flavored milk drink:
After opening, keep upright
On a New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.
On an infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.
On a Magic 8 Ball:
Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
On a roll of Life Savers:
Not for use as a flotation device.
On a refrigerator:
Refrigerate after opening.
On a disposable razor:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.
On a handgun:
Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
On pantyhose:
Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
On a piano:
Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
On a child’s toy:
If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it
for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
On work gloves:
For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
On a palm sander:
Not to be used to sand palms.
On a calendar:
Use of term "Sunday" for reference only.
No meteorological warranties express or implied.
On Odor Eaters:
Do not eat.
On a blender:
Not for use as an aquarium.
On a revolving door:
Passenger compartments for individual use only.
On a microscope:
Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
On children's alphabet blocks:
Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and
sentences that may be deemed offensive.
On a wet suit:
Capacity, 1.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
Open Other End.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Daddy's Poem
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the m outh of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so .
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"'Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years..
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's, just too far.
You see he is a Marine
And died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like h e never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out .
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special
Person, an hour to appreciate them,
A day to love them, but then an entire
Life to forget them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll never forget them.
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your
friends.
Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sad News
I don't usually pass on news like this but this is probably worth it. Sometimes we have to pause and truly remember what life is about. So I will pass on this sad, sad news. There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The Man who wrote the song Hokey-Pokey died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and...well you know the rest.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
White Chili
Makes 6-8 Servings
• 5 boneless chicken breast, steamed and cubed
• 1-15 oz. jar great northern beans, rinsed and drained
• Salt and Pepper to taste
Combine all ingredients in a large saucepan. Heat thoroughly. Fast and easy
Apple Crisp
1 Cup quick-coking rolled oats
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/2 cup all purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/2 cup margarine
- 4 lbs. apples
- 4 tablespoons granulated sugar
